Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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