i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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