Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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