How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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