I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
