I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
