yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
