I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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