i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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