This is the prime rib incident all over again
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
