chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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