You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
