Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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