we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
