I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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