i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
