just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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