She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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