totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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