More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
