Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
