cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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