last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
