Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
