I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
