I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
