Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
