if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
