when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
