dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
