she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
