I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
