My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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