I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
