why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
