Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
