I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
