Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
3pm strippers are depressing
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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