Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
