i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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