This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
