I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
