well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
