never play flip cup with pint glasses
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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