you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
