Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
