yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
