drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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