just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I am available for nakedness
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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