I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
