Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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