i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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