if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
