he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
